If I lose myself
by loneghost13
Summary: Sequel to Stay the night. Keith can't sleep and calls Pidge in the middle of the night. Takes place shortly after the end of Season 6 and before Season 7.


**A/N:** For jtdarkman and Roxy190, sorry guys that it took me so long (four and a half months, but who's counting) to write you this, but I have never been good with sequels or multi-chapter stories (and believe me, I have tried). Anyway, I hope this fic has been worth the wait!

Hope you all enjoy it!

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Voltron or the characters that appear in this story, they belong to Lauren Montgomery and Joaquim Dos Santos.

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Tick… Tick… Tick… Tick… Tick…

Keith groaned and rolled over on his back, pulling the covers off himself in the process. Without opening his eyes, he focussed on the ticker's constant ticking, hoping the sound would eventually lull him to sleep.

Tick… Tick… Tick…

It didn't.

Throwing his arms up in frustration, the boy stared at the ceiling of the Black Lion's cargo hold with an annoyed expression.

 _"What the hell is wrong with me? No matter how hard I try, I just can't fall asleep."_

Lying back on his makeshift bed with his gaze fixed on the ceiling, Keith found himself wondering if Pidge was awake too. During the first months he had spent with his mom in the quantum abyss, they had used to call each other quite frequently, usually at nights when neither of them could sleep.

 _"Just like now."_

Driven by a sudden impulse, Keith got out of bed and left the cargo hold without even bothering to put his boots on, trying to walk as quietly as possible to not wake up Krolia. As he passed near the sleeping cosmic wolf, the wolf automatically opened his yellow eyes and lifted his head at the sound of his footsteps, watching him go with a curious expression. Without waiting to be called, the wolf disappeared in a flash of blue light and teleported himself to the Black Lion's cockpit, where he knew his master had gone.

Noticing his wolf's presence, Keith turned around in his seat to look at him.

"Hey, buddy…" the boy said sheepishly, extending a hand to pet the pale fur of his head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up…" he apologized, scratching him behind the ears.

Staring back at the boy, the wolf simply rubbed his muzzle against his forearm, silently assuring him it was okay. Smiling briefly, Keith gently gave his wolf one last pet before he turned his attention back to the holographic screen in front of him, while the wolf lied down on the floor next to Keith's feet with his head on his paws.

Reflexively cracking his knuckles, the boy let out a deep breath and pressed a virtual button on the screen, activating the Black Lion's communication system. Instantly a small window appeared in the purple screen, showing a brown-haired girl with familiar hazel eyes dressed in green pajamas.

"Hi, Pidge."

"Hey, Keith!" she greeted him, waving her hand at him. "I thought I was the only one who couldn't sleep."

"Yeah well, that makes two of us." he said jokingly and asked. "By the way, what were you doing in your Lion's cockpit in the middle of the night?"

Pidge laughed and held up a game controller.

"Playing _Killbot Phantasm I_. I was trying to reach level 36 when you called."

"Sounds fun, I guess. I honestly have never played it." the boy admitted, running a hand through his black hair.

"Really? That's a shame… I could teach you how to play it if you want." she suggested.

"Thanks for the offer, but I'd rather not. Video-games were never one of my favorite hobbies, you know." he answered with a shrug.

"Oh, right, I forgot that you are more into swords, hoverbikes and…, let me think… getting into fights with anyone that looks at you the wrong way." the girl said teasingly.

"Ha ha, very funny…" Keith said sarcastically. "You know what, if it weren't for I can't sleep, I would probably hang up on you right now, Pidge."

"Nah, we both know you wouldn't," she replied, flashing him a smile. "you like me too much for your own good."

"If you say so…" he told her with a roll of his eyes, doing his best to ignore the wild beating of his heart.

Shifting slightly in her seat, Pidge bent her knees and brought them to her chest to make herself more comfortable.

"Anyway, as much as I like making fun of you, is there a reason why you called me in the middle of the night?" the girl asked bluntly, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Actually… Yeah." the boy said, leaning back in his seat. "After all that went down yesterday, I just realized that I never got to ask you about what happened with Shiro's clone back at the hangar."

"Oh, well…" said Pidge, lowering her eyes. "What about it? I…I mean," she quickly added, a bit nervous. "what is it that you wanna know?"

"Well, I don't have a clear recollection of what occurred after the shooting, though I do remember seeing you going after Shiro when he was about to escape with Lotor in one of the ships. But then I heard the ship taking off and before we knew it they were gone, right in front of our noses. So I was just wondering why you couldn't stop them from escaping, considering you had your bayard and they were an easy target…" he explained awkwardly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I…I just don't know." admitted Pidge, wrapping her arms around herself. "I… I mean, I was standing there with my bayard aimed at Shiro, ready to shoot him, but then he looked at me dead in the eye and I… I just couldn't bring myself to do it. After all, it was Shiro, or at least that's what I thought at that moment." she chuckled ruefully, and Keith saw a tear running down her cheek.

"Quiznak Pidge, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have asked…" he tried to say but the girl interrupted him.

"And the worst of it is that if I had just shot him, maybe none of this would have happened. It was my fault that Lotor escaped and that he almost destroyed Voltron and the entire universe, and it was my fault that you were almost killed trying to save Shiro…" her voice cracked and she stopped talking, turning her head to wipe the tears with her pajama's sleeve.

 _"I am the most inconsiderate jerk in the entire universe. Why did I have to bring this up to her in the first place? Now I have made her feel even worse than she already was…"_

Before the boy could continue scolding himself further, he felt a tug on his black pants and everything around him became a blur. When all regained its focus Keith found himself in the Green Lion's cockpit, staring at a wide-eyed Pidge. Next to him the cosmic wolf let go of the bottom of his pant leg and discreetly teleported himself back to the Black Lion, leaving them alone.

Keith sighed and took a step closer.

"Listen Pidge, I know I messed up and that I am the last person you wanna see or talk to right now…"

But before he could say anything else, she got up out of her seat and threw herself in his arms, hugging him tightly.

For a moment Keith stood there frozen until finally something clicked in his head and he returned the hug, pulling her close to him. The girl drew in a shaky breath and buried her head further in his chest, her tears staining his gray T-shirt.

"It's okay… It's okay, I'm here. Just let it all out." he whispered in a soothing tone, gently holding her as she cried.

He didn't know how much time they stood there, but eventually her breathing became slower and less erratic and the tears ceased to flow.

"Better?" Keith asked softly and Pidge raised her head to meet his dark eyes.

"Uh-huh…" she murmured in a congested voice, her arms still wrapped around his torso.

"You know," he told her, casually brushing her hair out of her face. "if it hadn't been for the virus you activated on Shiro's prosthetic arm, I wouldn't probably be alive right now. And if you had stopped Shiro's clone from escaping we would have never known that the real Shiro's soul had been trapped all this time inside the Black Lion's consciousness. So, if everything that happened was your fault, it doesn't mean that all of that had to be something bad."

Pidge's eyes shone with emotion at his words and for a brief second she looked like she was on the verge of tears again, before her lips curved into a heartfelt smile.

 _"She sure is beautiful when she smiles."_

Putting her head back on his chest, the girl closed her eyes and whispered against the fabric of his T-shirt.

"Thanks, Keith."

The boy smiled and rested his right cheek against her hair, breathing in her scent and closing his eyes as well.

"Anytime."

It was later that night, as he made his way back to the Black Lion's cargo hold and into his makeshift bed when he realized that she was right.

He did like her too much for his own good.

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 **A/N:** Constructive criticism is always welcome!

Also, if anyone has any suggestions or ideas for prompts, please feel free to PM me or write a review. No matter how long it takes me or how difficult it is, if I promise someone to write them a request, I will never go back on my word. That is my writer way!


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